i need a vacation

sunday night i had a dream that i was at work and got swamped with a zillion things that needed to get done by friday.  turns out that was an omen...and a bad one.  someone save me and take me here:

please and thank you.

Claimed like a vampire. **TMI warning**

If you don't wanna know, stop reading now...

I warned you...

Don't blame me if you can't get back the next 2 minutes of your life.

Still here? Ok, well I gave you a chance.

Last night my husband gave me a hickey. Yup, hadn't had one of those in at least 3 years and now I'm forced into a turtleneck, putting concealer and foundation on a spot that normally doesn't get that kind of treatment.  At least, since it's rather cool out, it's not totally obvious what I'm doing, right?

Did I notice at the time of hickey production? Of course not.  We were deep in the throes of passion. There was only one thing he did that my brain went..."wait, is that...??"  before getting lost in the pleasure of it.  No need to mention it here, however.

Anyways, back to the hickey.  Like I said, I hadn't seen one of these on my neck in years so it took me a second to digest what I was seeing in the mirror as I brushed my teeth this morning.  That, coupled with 6 am drowsiness, that second was a very very slow second.

Here's how it went:
...toothbrush at 45 scrub soft..back of mouth...front teeth... hm what is that (looking at my neck in the mirror...and yes I do narrate how to brush my teeth in the morning).  its all red..wait...no it can't be. *eyes widening*  i told him no hickeys.  no. *mental gasp* it is!!
..spits..

Me: Babe!!!
Hubby (still sleeping in bed): whhhaat?
Me:  You gave me a hickey!!!
Hubby:  laughs oops sorry. wear a turtle neck (rolls back over and starts snoring)
Me: Ugh...brush tongue..can't believe he gave me a hickey...spit. rinse. buh..this better be gone before tomorrow or i'll never hear the end of it...

I know, what a lame conversation. But that's kinda all that needed to be said at the time. 

Literally, hadn't gotten one of these since we were in school.  The first time he did it I didn't even know. My friend in the dorm was like "Oh my God! It's the size of Texas!!"  Petrified, I ran to my room to look in the mirror. I still remember it too. And it was like the size of Texas but it looked more like Alaska.

So like a schoolgirl, I have been claimed Dracula-style once again. Thanks hubs. I love you too.

**Take me to Pleasuretown!**

boredom strikes

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

I am literally...laughing my ass off. 

Doom on you..doom on you..

You ever wake up with the feeling that something is going to go terribly, terribly wrong that day?  No? Just me then?  OK, well that's how I feel today.  Maybe I had an ominous dream last night and it's left its imprint on my psyche.  I wish I could remember what I dreamt, then maybe I'd be able to make sense of it.  It sounds so cliche however, it is literally like a bad taste that won't go away.  It's right there, ready to implode.  I really feel like there's some impending doom in the near future.  NOT. a good feeling.

Waiting, wishing this day would pass quickly...

...I'm a beast, I'm an animal...

Mission: To lose poundage. (and to beat a friend in a weight losing contest...you're going down Boelter)
Plan of action:  Work out at lunch every other day or so and/or work out at home.  Plus, eating less too. 
Starting weight: 166 lbs. I hadn't weighed myself since January and it was a nice surprise last week to find that I'd already lost almost 10 lbs since the holiday binge.  Not by working out, but rather by eating better.  Works for me. 
Goal weight: 155 lbs or less.

Advantage: I get to lose 5 lbs less than my friend.
Disadvantage: He's a dude. It's so easy for guys to lose weight and so not easy for me.  Hubby lost 20 lbs last year easy.  I gained 5. But that's because of disadvantage #2.  I live to eat.  (We're going for cheesecake at the mall later...)

I picked up weights yesterday...I'm not going to say the size because it's rather embarrassing.  Ok, fine, they were 3 lb weights.  Way to make me feel weak.  These flabby arms can't even pop the ice cube tray.  Not surprisingly, my arms are kind of sore.  But I'll never admit it out loud because then I'd have to admit out loud how I used the lightest free weights in the gym.  Wow. I'm so weak.

The funny thing is, I don't really care about losing weight.  In the long run though, it'll be to my advantage to get in some kind of shape.  Especially considering just yesterday I signed up for a charity event, Bike MS: Tour de Farms. It's a 2 day bike ride through farmlands in IL at the end of June to raise money for MS.  Day one I chose to do the shortest distance, 35 miles.  Considering the longest I'd ever ridden a bike previously in my entire life is probably about 5-6 miles, I need to start training like last year.  Day 2 will be worse since Steph decided we should go for 50 miles.  I am so dead, but we'll give it a shot.  Plus it'll get me to actually have to work out/train.  Step One: Get a Bike.  The husband, who is a biker (roadcross bike not motorcycle), already has an idea of what bike I should get. 

I have 2 months to get in shape.  Perhaps it is time to bust out Insanity, since it seems an insane and daunting task to whip me into the kind of shape I need to be in for a 50 mile bike ride.  Maybe I am insane...already know I'm an idiot for signing up for this.

PS. If you're reading this, I'd much appreciate any donations for the Bike MS event.  **CLICK HERE** for my fundraising page. Help support me and motivate me to train for this event!  Thanks and much love!

I can cry if I want to dammit.

Another day, another year, another number.  I only feel old when thinking about the younger family members, like my cousins who are seniors in high school...I think, wait, they're going to college in the fall?! Yikes.  I only feel old thinking how I'm now only 3 years away from 30.  Not that 30 is old.  Nope.  Because once I start thinking 30 is old, well...its all downhill from there.  It just, feels old when you think about it.  But it's all relative.  A 30 year old house is not old, a 30 year old car however...

Can I just pretend that it's my 25th birthday again? I seem to have stopped keeping track since then. I have to stop and think about it when someone asks me how old I am now.  Then comes the snarky "What, you forgot how old you are? Man you're getting old..."  To which I say, STFU... The point is I feel no older than 25, and frankly I hope that feeling lasts for many more years.  With any luck my aging process will be similar to this....

Bahahaha. 

I'm not old...I'm not old...

my writing muse turned into a rapper...

my creativity tends to ebb and flow, like the brain just decides to go into hyperdrive and spit out poems and drawings.  my muse is a wistful creature that when bored, likes to poke my brain to see what comes out...

don't lie to me

don't lie to me, don't lie to me

such a dirty lie, why can't you see

you're supposed to be, my best friend

yet here we are, standing end to end

we've had our ups ,and now were down

you made me smile, now you make me frown

what's wrong with you, you're never there

it's almost like, you just don't care

don't lie to me, don't lie to me

such a dirty lie, why can't you see

my heart breaks, just to see your face

to see you high, and out of place

we used to be, such an awesome pair

what's yours was mine, everything we share

best buds for life, swore through and trough

but now i'm me, and now you are you

don't lie to me, don't lie to me

such a dirty lie, why can't you see

i'm falling apart, i need you now

i want you back, doesn't matter how

but you're blind you see, so fucking selfish

doing what you will, to get your every wish

doesn't matter that, i've fallen apart

you don't' know how, to have a heart to heart

don't lie to me don't lie to me

such a dirty lie, why can't you see

Whispers In My Head

I need a long vacation, I need to clear my brain
The demons, they've been whispering, they're driving me insane
The darkness it envelops me, the whispering is torturing
Pleading for some sunshine 'cause I've been running thru the rain

My smarts have been misplaced
so its time to take a break
The whispers in my head tell me something new
I'm not number one, only maybe number two.
If my destiny's been writ
why am I at the bottom of a bottomless pit?


Exhaustion's settling in, I can't keep this going.
My head is spinning, I can't keep this flowing.
I hope the whispers quickly change their tune.
Ode to the fates, I pray for this boon

Put me back together I promise I won't ruin it.
I just need a push or a shove on a path clearly lit.

Adventures of a Black Peen Magnet...

Note to self...next time you go dancing, bring boys.  Big, burly, manly boys to serve as a giant man wall to scare off any losers from believing they had a chance at storming my castle.  A moat of dancing fools doesn't seem to phase them.  It's time to bulk up the exterior defenses.

Spent some QT with two friends who are in essence my sisters.  As my oldest best friend's siblings I've known them since forever and have recently started spending a lot of time with them also.  We had planned a girls night out, since we'd all been jonesin' to go dancing for a few weeks.  So, dancing we went...sans boys.

Now, I've always known black guys somehow have the hots for me.  We (everyone of my friends who knows this phenomenon) have determined its a combination of the yellow fever plus the fact that I gots a badonk.  Yeah, I said it. BA-DONK.  I have always not been a fan of that portion of my body, however, since hubby enjoys that part of me I've come to accept it, work it.   I'm rarely attracted to black guys, and definitely turned off by overly eager gentlemen who think flattery will be the way to my inner sanctum.  To be honest, it scares me.  I switch from grown up Nala, sexy lion huntress, to baby Bambi...and look for every opportunity to make a mad dash for the nearest forest.

After about 3 hours of running around avoiding creepy stalker kind of guys, it was enough. I mean, I can laugh about it now. Hell who am I kidding, it was laughable then. This married old hag isn't so much of a hag apparently.  Even when I'm not making any effort to look "sexy"...For cryin out loud I was wearing pants and a cami.  My companions had their fair share of creepers, but they were also in dresses and have more curves than this little ol' B-cup.  Yeah, you heard me Steph and Jen...boobs and badonk. I have no boobs compared to them.  Yet it seemed like they kept having to pull me away from yet another guy who thought he could creepily dance with a complete stranger.

I hardly counted them all, especially the uber creeps who just stood there staring at us dancing.  But by my count, the ones that were ballsy enough to attempt to pull one of us away...was 10.  That's abnormally high, especially for me.  I could say I'm used to it, but however flattering it is, one never gets used to it. 

Lets count em off...(at least, the really creepy ones)

#1: WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. Literally followed us around waiting 'til I wasn't paying attention then would grab me by the waist...  He tried to hold me back once when I was trying to get away.  Luckily after a while he stopped, but if he hadn't I think I would have gone psycho on him....Or, since I adamantly avoid confrontations, told a bouncer.

#3: Really, REALLY wanted me to whip my hair around.  "Please, just do it once..please?" So I did it...then made him go away.  I whip my hair back and forth...

#4: KISSED my freakin hand. 

#8: Upon discovering I was married, it still didn't detour him from wanting to hold my hand and saying "Girl, why you married? I would marry you...I would marry you. You're so beautiful"....Bahahahahaha. Wow.

#9: Not a black guy. Short, fat, sweaty, old, nasty, creepy....dude. Ugh.

#8 came back to dance, I put up with it just so other guys would stop for a while. #4 came back to dance with Steph and rubbed his FACE on her.  O_o good god man.

Then there's the guys that didn't dance...

The polish guy outside who Jen tried to get to buy us drinks for my birthday.  He wasn't so bad to talk to but he did creepily ask to take a picture.  Yikes. 

In the middle of the dance floor, I got pulled aside and introduced to 2 guys who "liked my energy".... ::tip toes away::

Not so strangely, part of me actually enjoyed the attention.  Who wouldn't want to feel like they're sexy even though they're soaking in their own sweat in a plain black tank top? 


Yep.  Awesome night. 

Will I ever learn?

Note to self...(actually more of a reminder, as I'm sure I've told myself this many times before)  No more drinking on a school night. It may have worked out fine 4-5+ years ago while I was actually in school, but this rapidly aging body doesn't coordinate with the perverted immature part that unfortunately controls my hand to mouth movements. 

And if perhaps I should forget this note...again...well, there's not much I can do about it except be a grumpus for the next day.  Thankfully, even though I was far more drunk last night than many of the more recent nights of drinking (with exception to St. Patty's Day), I feel relatively good.  Down right perky when I woke up, however there is a slight possibility that I was still somewhat intoxicated. 

Now I'm crashing...I cant wait for the day to end.

smoisting 8-11

I'm gonna pull out his fingernails!

Just a bunch of randomness today.

1. Happy April Fools Day!  It must have been quite early in the morning for me, my friend whom I just had dinner with last night updated his 'relationship' status on facebook to..."In a relationship"...  I saw it and nearly spit out my morning tea.  For all of 3 seconds I went "who is this mysterious woman and why didn't he tell me last night?"  Almost instantaneously after that thought I said to myself, "self...weren't you about to post an April Fools joke?"  YES, yes I was.  And it all clicked into place.

2. I was once again left to my own devices at work being the sole person in the entire engineering department for very nearly the entire day yesterday.  For the brief moments I did have my bosses around, one so nicely left me with a permit application stating, "this needs to get out today".  My terror response kicked in knowing I would be unable to complete it before the end of the day, and by the end of the day found I needed his signature anyway so I felt mildly less guilty about not finishing.  This morning I was preparing to get into my zone, ignoring everything else, and punch it out, only to have said boss come in and say "we have to change the drawing!"  All of a sudden my Friday just got a gazillion times better.  Not that I have any less work, in fact I have more work now that I have to change the whole drawing again...but the guilt over not finishing yesterday was quickly hurling me into depressed oblivion.  What a relief to not have that stress anymore.

***EDIT:  Taking a 10 min hiatus...apparently even though I have to change the entire drawing set again, essentially creating a whole new different one, I have to try and get this out today.  I spoke too soon when I said I'm glad not to have that stress anymore... ::head explodes::***


3. I'm sitting at my desk this morning enjoying my tea, and I hear my boss in the corner rifling through papers on the drafting table muttering sweet nothings to himself.  Things like "I'm going to fucking kill him." and "I'm going to pull out his fingernails".  How romantic you are bossman.  Apparently he put the surveyor in charge of assembling copies of yet another permit application.  Nothing hard about punching holes and binding paper when you have an old binding machine right?  One was backwards and out of order, one was punched on the wrong side, and the third copy was punched too close to the edge so the pages were falling out.  I would be muttering those sweet nothings to myself as well as a few..."what...an...idiot..."

4. Shoe girl got a $5 gift certificate in her inbox today for DSW.  Birthday shoe shopping? Yes, please!!  Where did I put that $10 certificate???? Must. Find. Certificate.