Obsessed

Obsessed. I wonder if I'm letting my feelings control me. Jealousy. I wonder if I can ever really change. Guilt. I wonder if I'll ever truly forgive. Anger. I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop torturing myself. That's what obsession is. Torture. How else do you describe the relentless need to have something you can't seem to get enough of. Even if it's no good for you. Especially if you can't actually have it. I'm only here now because I'm fighting my demented obsession to ask for things that are far beyond my reach. Hanging onto dreams that will never come true. Wishing for something that is impossible. And still wanting all of it despite being smart enough to know it won't ever be the way I imagine it in my dreams. I should put my damn phone out of commission. At least til I get over everything and can move on. But I know my weakness. My slightly masochistic tendency to bask in the hurt. I miss the happy me.