oh, hello again.

Facebook is not my means to vent.  Nor do I want it to be...so...I return to the world of blogging.

What does it mean when you go through a business and life coaching program and your personality assessment is rated lower than when you started?? I'm not even comparing my results to other people I know in the program...I'm just comparing myself now to myself 6 months ago! How do I not feel a little disappointed?

I'm having a difficult time reading this assessment.  I know its not meant to critique my thoughts but when they go and rate each area with a percentage in clarity...I can't but help feeling critiqued. Then up go the walls...

I was going to delete that...and then I realized I should probably discuss it because I went through my assessment again, and realized the first time I read it, I was completely wrong!! It truly goes to show the mindset that I was in at the time of reading it.  Sometimes, when you're feeling that poorly about yourself everything feels like criticism.  Negative criticism.  And that spins you into this cycle of bad to worse. You start getting defensive and the little voice inside your head insists you're right.  Even when you couldn't be more wrong.

I still had a hard time reading my assessment because it told me about me. What kinds of thoughts I had and how it manifests in my actions.  So true it's scary.  But one thing I learned through the program is there's much more going on inside me.  I was embarrassed to admit that I failed, but that was ok.  And the others in my group felt some of that failure too.  I haven't learned to stop comparing myself to others yet.  I haven't learned to show up for people.  But I have learned what is stopping me from being able to commit to anything with all my heart.  Because I do not believe yet that I am worthy of all that I have.  I don't think I'm good enough to do anything...yet I'm good at a lot of things.  I could be great...if I put in the effort to be great. But I stop myself...because I couldn't be the best.  More over, I don't think I'm worthy of being the best. Hence the lack of motivation to even try...and if I happen upon success by chance I subconsciously do not feel worthy of such successes and unconsciously sabotage myself.

But I'm not perfect, I am good, I am enough, and I deserve the love and the blessings given to me.