:'(

holding on to the memories
etched in the sand
they could be washed away
by a wave or by my hand
but for now i'll treasure them
for now i'll build a moat
keeping the waves at bay
and holding my heart afloat
they're all there
the good and the bad
and for the first time
i treasure the happy and the sad
i'm dying here all alone
keeping you far from me
but its for the best
to just let you be
for now i hold the memory
of your eyes your hands your lips
for now i feel the ghosts
of your touches and your kiss
i'm sorry i had to break my promise
i'm sorry i had to let you go
i'm sorry i had to walk away
i'm sorry i had to hurt you so

what you don't say

don't you know it hurts me
when i read between the lines
and slowly i come to see
what i never hoped to find
don't you know i sit here in tears
when i think about the end
knowing that all my fears
are just coming 'round the bend
that i just torture myself
imagining what you think
you put me on the shelf
and i teeter on the brink
don't you know you can say
the most hurtful things
and i go out of my way
to clip my own wings
and keep me from the sky
don't you know that's what i want
to spread my arms and fly
but all i do is preen and flaunt
to keep you satisfied
i sit and look pretty
i don't know if you've tried
though it is a pity
i need to let you go
i need to let you grow
you don't know what you need
and i only keep you here
to fill my own greed
to soothe my own fear
but it still hurts me that way
to realize what you don't
the things you don't say
what you do and what you won't

One of these days...

One of these days
I'll stand up for me
One of these days
I'll be who I wanna be
And one of these days
I'll be able to see
my reflection in the mirror and say,
You did all you could,
But sometimes it's just not enough
You'll grow and get stronger,
Now the road's not so rough
You'll have it all
And all the right stuff
Well,
Maybe one of these days....

Pregosaurus X-ing

Maybe its the hormones talking but it seems like I've been snapping at everyone lately. I just thought it was funny when my co-worker called me "saucy" but I have been noticing an increasing trend in my overall moodiness and there are some holes in my mouth filter.  Perhaps this pregnancy has gotten me to come out of my shell a bit more.  Mostly because I just don't give a shit anymore.  You piss me off, I'm going to let you know.  I used to think it was hard to piss me off but honestly, it's quite easy.  Watch out world!

stuck in my head all day...

pop stars unite...

...and sing your heart out.

Havin' a bad day Doug

If you've ever watched the movie 50 First Dates, you'll know what I'm referring to. If not, here's a clip of the scene.

Essentially, Lucy the main character who had an accident and can forever only recall her life up to that day, finds out that she's being deceived every day into reliving the same day, every day.  I love this movie and have seen it repeatedly. In short, nothing quite describes how I'm feeling right now than that simple phrase.  'Havin' a bad day Doug'...

Today, after several days of blind euphoria, I have crashed.  I was desperately hoping to get through this week in ignorant bliss, just until I can get to go on my vacation and see my sorority sisters and my cousin out in San Francisco.  Just until I could get away and relax and spend time to myself.   I almost made it....I leave tomorrow.  But alas, my thoughts and emotions have broken through the glass wall I tried so desperately to erect.  Its an unrelenting torrent of unspoken words and memories.  I'm trying to convince myself that everything will turn out ok, that things will be different, that I can be stronger, better.  But needless to say, I'm finding it a difficult task today.  I'm falling apart and I've got nothing and no one to hold me together. ::head meet desk::