In the dark of the night..

I knew drinking a Pepsi with dinner was a poor decision.  I knew the caffeine would keep me up, I knew the sugar wasn't what my body needed, I knew I shouldn't...and yet. I did.  Maybe one of these days, I'll learn...

I lay awake staring at the ceiling lit by the light of the streetlamp streaming through my bedroom window..watching the shadows, trying not to let my overactive imagination get the best of me.  That's not a person I tell myself, that's just the shadow of the tree outside. A barrage of thoughts filled my head as I struggled to clear my mind and relax my body.  A meditation tape played in the background, music softly attempting to soothe my wild energy.  Unpredictable flares emit from my soul, black as the shadows above me.  A darkness...and then tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm just an empty shell, no substance, no personality.  Easily filled with the energy of those who surround me. I'm a succubus. I contribute nothing to the world...I only consume. A pretty face with no soul. No wonder no one loves me for very long. Negative energy. Purging from my body. Drowning me in darkness. A flash of anger. A red streak of energy bursts through the tears. WRONG. A mind shift. I wipe the tears from my face and in a breath release the black lies of shame. I breathe in the moonlight and it fills my soul.  I was someone.  I still am that someone.  I just pushed it down and boxed it up inside.  And buried it. I buried it under piles of all the things I thought I needed to be, the person I thought I should be.  That box has all of me in it.  And it's calling to me.  Dig it up. Open it.  I envision a ball of colorful energy suppressed by glittery darkness. There I am.  Here I am, I hear. A smile. A sigh. Golden tendrils creep forth and embrace me.  Calm. Relaxation. Sleep.

This is human.