overwhelmed.

We all know being sleep deprived has no real positive effect on anyone.  Other than those that become thoroughly entertaining in the loopy stages of deprivation that is.  However there is certainly a fine line between said loopy stage and the semi-unconscious droning that we all know too well.  Driving to work and realizing you were auto-piloting the whole way and forgot to stop for the necessary coffee run along the way.  Chugging along with your daily mindless tasks only to realize you forgot about eating.  Come on, don't deny it....we've all been there.  Zombies. Mindless zombies.

PS Now would be a good time to add that I hate, nay, LOATHE zombies.  My prejudice against the undead extends from the deepest part of my very, very alive soul.  Don't ask me why, it's a thing. 

But I digress...

Apparently, lately for me being tired means that my brain tries to go into overdrive to combat the loss of basic thought processes... I have found the more I need to sleep, the more I tend to over think.  Whispers of thoughts so forcefully brushed to the back of my mind invade my waking moments.  Hell probably even into my sub-conscious I'm sure.  If I were to be able to remember my dreams rather than falling deep into REM I'm sure they would be packed full of meaning and confusing imagery.  For a while my dreams were extraordinarily demented.  I'm sure now they'd still be the same, reflecting the same theme over and over again.  I can't seem to get any of it together, I can't seem to choose a path and stick with it.  I keep backtracking to the same problems, only to find it harder, more difficult a terrain each time I pick a direction. 

I want it to come easily, but now I've just made it harder for me. I keep coming up with distractions from the real issues at hand, and now as the year quickly comes to a close, I find myself thinking...I wish I had the strength to defeat...myself.