Fiery tendrils lick at my ankles as I walk through the abyss
I seem all too familiar with these drab hidden places
As I weave through the flames, their warmth is a fallacy
Caressing me, offering peace and tranquility.
A lie. I know this.
I wander, I wonder.
How long am I going to be here this time?
Will the flames engulf me as they had before?
How did I find myself in these silent valleys again?
Surrounded by looming ebony mountains on every side.
This place is a part of me, though I’d rather not visit.
Grateful in a way, however, I’ve been here before
The path out has already been worn
I’ll find it. I know this.
Love and hope tug at the unseen strings around my heart
Guiding me so my steps won’t fall amiss
My thoughts frighten me. I'm alone in a dark empty corner of my mind. I hate this feeling. But I'm grateful. I have someone who sees me, loves me enough to handle me when I disappear...to bring me back. Tries to at least. I need some time away and he knows it. Trying to practice gratitude. It's hard but I know from past experience even the smallest things I could be grateful for can bring a lot of hope and light into the darkest spaces inside. So the smallest things today. Like he made the bed this morning for me. The biggest hugs from the little man before I dropped him off to be picked up by his dad. Domo the Flash (aka Flash Domo). He looked into weekend getaways for us by the beach because he knows I love the beach. Love. There is so much love in my life. I am grateful for that. It's already working. Just need to hold on to that feeling and I'll get through this.
